I have been in spiritual warfare as I battle to remind myself of my purpose in being here. I didn't just come. God sent me. I was doubting my usefulness around here. Am I really needed?
After a full day of meetings throughout Nairobi yesterday and quite a few office days, not only was I relieved to be reminded of my heart for this place, but I was stretched yet again. I was getting very comfortable working from the compound and going into meetings, but it was dangerous for my soul. I was not receiving the usual intake of sights and smells and people of Kenya outside of Ridgeways (where the compound is located), Village Market, and other developed shopping centers. I began to fear that my soul was becoming numb to what I see here in Kenya. As it slowly becomes more and more like home, my soul was becoming more and more comfortable. And that is the last thing I want it to do.
Thankfully, God knows me more intimately than I know myself. Today, He planned to have me get out of the compound and onto the streets and into a school of Nairobi. He reminded me of the truth that I am needed. Though I am learning so much, and being so greatly blessed, I have come to give something. And even if that is the hope of Jesus Christ to one child, a smile to a hopeless victim of HIV, a dance for a group of girls, a piece of knowledge to an uneducated community...this journey has been well worth it.
This was my challenge: God sent me and Katie to complete a Freedom for Girls seminar at Akiba Primary and Secondary School...on our own. No Kenyan staff (other than our wonderful driver Jackson), no HEART staff. Today we were HEART's representatives. We were Christ's ambassadors. We were leaders. We were teachers. The two of us. Together. I don't know what Katie was feeling, but I was definitely stretched as we had to step up and talk to the teachers at the school, figure out details, and teach the 98 girls about their monthly cycles, sex, and HIV/AIDS. And guess what?? I loved it!
Just last night I read from Jeremiah (goodness, this blows my mind): "Now the words of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.' Then I said, 'Ah, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth.' But the Lord said to me, 'Do not say, "I am only a youth"; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you,' declares the Lord. Then the Lord put out His hand and touched my mouth. And the Lord said to me, 'Behold, I have put my words in your mouth.'" (Jeremiah 1:4-10a)
I was also reminded of 1 Timothy last night, when Paul is talking to Timothy and encouraging him: "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have...Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by doing so you will save both yourself and your hearers." (1 Timothy 4:12-16)
This time I was the youth.I was Jeremiah. I was Timothy. God was pushing me to go out. God was putting words in my mouth. To teach. To set an example. To not neglect the gift I have. To love.
It was a very successful day. I praise God in the victory. God used me and Katie to educate 98 girls on their monthly cycles, sex, abstinence, HIV/AIDS, pregnancy, STDs, abortion, rape...and 98 girls will have a year's supply of sanitary towels. As Katie and I taught, we were faced with difficult questions--many that challenged me to give difficult answers and recall information that I have not necessarily studied in depth. I have been encouraged to step out, to lead, to teach, and to learn. I was surprised by how much I knew (which was totally a God thing), and how much I was able to teach. (Even one of the teachers encouraged me, saying, "The girls learned a lot today. Even me, I learned something new...at my age!" Praise God!)
I am overwhelmed in God's goodness, in His faithfulness, in His provision. It was all Him. I just needed to obey His calling. As I stand in awe, my heart is so lost in His.
